


The Perks of Being on a Gate Team

by respoftw



Series: Tumblr Prompts - McShep edition [19]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Background Teyla/Ronon, F/M, M/M, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 19:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9400310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: Rodney had heard all the rumours about being on a 'gate team.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blahblahwoofwoof](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blahblahwoofwoof/gifts).



> Something silly to help people self care today.

The thing about 'gate teams is that there were always rumours. The mountain was rife with them, everything from jealous love triangles to team orgies. And, OK, while most of those rumours were about SG-1, there was enough talk about the rest that they were hard to dismiss.

Rodney really couldn't be blamed for his mind immediately jumping to sexy times when he was first asked to join AR-1. Especially since it was John "Slinky Hips" Sheppard doing the asking. Rodney had eyes, he was painfully aware of how attractive the Major was. Not to mention how hot the alien warrior woman was and, while Ford might be a little young for his tastes, there was no denying that he was cute as a button or some other such term that Jeannie used to use for her teenage crushes.

The reality of life on a 'gate team was almost disappointing.

(It wasn't disappointing, could never be disappointing. Rodney wasn't sure when he'd ever felt this alive before.)

The rumours about 'gate teams and their X-rated exploits wasn't just an Earth thing. They had been going through the 'gate for barely more than a week when Rodney heard his first rumour. Something involving loin cloths, the mulled wine from PS5-45Y, and AR-3. Having tried the wine himself, he was willing to believe that particular one.

After a while, the gossip was so pervasive that Rodney started to develop a complex. Maybe the reason that his team wasn't getting involved in all the exciting extracurricular activities that it seemed all the other 'gate teams were getting involved in was _him_.

Rodney knew he was passably attractive. Receding hairline and soft waistline aside, he was broad shouldered, articulate and even Sam Carter had once told him that he had nice eyes. That being said, he knew that there was a vast difference between his brand of 'passably attractive' and the beauty of his fellow team members.

Even Ford's replacement was approximately one hundred times more attractive than a regular person. Come to think of it, almost everyone on the expedition was ridiculously attractive.

The more he thought about it, the more sure he became of his conclusion. The reason that AR-1 had no pornographic missions to add to the rumour mill was because AR-1 were saddled with Rodney McKay.

-*-

Sweat was dripping down his forehead and into his eyes. Rodney grimaced at the sting as he used a handkerchief to wipe the sweat away.

"How much farther?" he complained, red faced and sweaty.

Sheppard turned around, tossing him a grin as he continued to walk backwards through the forest. (If Rodney tried that he would trip up over a branch and fall on his ass. Sometimes life really wasn't fair.). "Quit complaining, Rodney," Sheppard drawled. "Why don't you try enjoying the sunshine?"

"Enjoy it?!" Rodney perhaps sounded a bit too angry but the unfairness of how composed Sheppard looked (Teyla and Ronon too) while he could feel himself slowly melting into a useless puddle in the heat and humidity bristled at him. He knew that in the opposite climate, a crisp, cold wintry day, he would fare better than his less well insulated teammates but that wasn't any help to him right now.

He was also self-aware enough to know that he would complain about _that_ weather too but that was beside the point.

"You can't possibly find this pleasant, Colonel," he snapped. "I'm one more mile away from heatstroke!"

Rodney thought he saw concern on John's face, just for a moment, before he plastered on a shit-eating grin. He probably imagined it. Hallucinations were a symptom of heatstroke, right?

Before Sheppard could reply, Teyla's voice sounded from behind him. "I too am starting to find the heat a little uncomfortable," she said gracefully. "Perhaps we could look for a suitable place to rest?"

Rodney had a funny feeling that she was only saying that to help him save face but he loved her for it anyway.

"There's a good place about a quarter mile ahead." Ronon spoke from his place at their twelve. This particular planet was one that Ronon had visited often as a runner and he was the reason they were on this humid, hellish excuse for a planet, hiking to some interesting sounding, possibly-Ancient ruins. (It was Rodney's interest in the ruins that had solidified the mission but he hadn't been quite appreciative of just how hot the planet was at that point so he was choosing to blame Ronon.)

"Think you can manage a quarter of a mile? Or will heatstroke have set in by then?" John teased.

Rodney gave him the finger in answer, John chuckling in answer before turning around and starting to walk in the correct direction again.

-*-

Ronon's 'good place' to stop turned out to be an idyllic, turquoise blue lake. Sheppard had taken one look at the clear water before whooping in excitement and stripping off his vest.

Teyla and Ronon followed suit and before Rodney had the presence of mind to insist that they test the waters for bacteria or things that could eat them, the other three members of his team were stripped to their underwear and diving in the water.

Teyla shrieked in delight as Ronon picked her up and threw her further into the lake, their limbs tangling together as she surfaced and wrapped her toned, golden brown arms around Ronon's neck.

_Holy_ _shit_. They were in the beginning of their very own porny mission interlude.

Ronon and Teyla kissed each other gently and Rodney was pretty sure that was his own tongue that was trying to fall down his throat in shock.

"Get in here McKay," John ordered. The order wasn't as diminished as it should have been considering he was wearing only blue striped boxers and his dog tags.

Rodney looked between Teyla and Ronon, who were cavorting like some kind of beautiful brown dolphins, and John, who looked good enough to eat.

Nope. No way was Rodney exposing his pale, flabby body for them to see. No matter how good the water looked, he was going to stay dry and, more importantly, clothed.

"McKay," John whined, and when that didn't work, "Rodney."

Rodney crossed his arms against his chest and shook his head, planting his feet firmly on the ground. "No thank you Colonel," he choked. "I'll stay here where there are no flesh eating bacteria or hungry crocodiles looking for a bite." He was trying really hard to sound blasé but his eyes kept drifting off to watch Ronon and Teyla playing happily in the water and he knew that John had noticed his drifting attention.

He was proven right when John sighed heavily and started to wade out of the lake. Rodney blushed and averted his eyes. One of John's boxer legs had been pushed up by the water, sticking to John's skin very high up on his remarkably hairy thighs.

John paid it no attention and sat down on the lakeshore, looking up at Rodney.

"Take a load off at least," he said.

Rodney sat stiffly beside him, still trying very hard not to look at John. There were droplets of water clinging to his skin and his hair stood up in spikes now as John ran his hands through it.

"I take it you didn't know about Teyla and Ronon," John said quietly. "You looked kind of...stunned."

"They're a couple?" Rodney was surprised.

John nodded, grinning. "What? You thought they just saw a secluded lake and thought now would be a good time to swallow each other's tonsils?"

Rodney hoped his flushed cheeks could still be passed off as exertion. That was _exactly_ what he had thought.

John laughed, his ridiculous donkey bray of a laugh, and it should have made less perfect but, sitting beside him, tanned and lightly muscled, it just wasn't possible.

"You've been listening to the rumours too much."

Rodney couldn't even try to deny it.

"Why do you think there aren't any rumours about us? I mean, our team." Rodney quickly clarified in case John got the wrong idea.

"You're kidding, right?" John looked at Rodney in surprise. "Just this week I've heard that Teyla has got us all into tantric sex, that me and Ronon were caught going at it after a sparring session, that me and Ronon were caught fighting over who got to keep seeing Teyla and that Ronon and me were caught fighting over who got to keep seeing you!"

"Me?" Rodney could understand the rest but...him? "Why would..I mean, have you looked at the three of you? You're like movie stars or something. I'm...I'm a scientist. I don't have abs or toned skin. I'm pale and flabby and look like I spend most of my life sitting in the lab. Which I do."

John looked at him, frowning. "Are you being serious?"

Rodney hunched into himself under the scrutiny. "Don't pander to me, Colonel. I know I'm not unattractive but I also know that I'm not in your league."

"Not unattractive?" John swore quietly. "Rodney, look, I'm only going to say this once, OK?"

John followed that statement up by staying silent for a full twenty seconds.

"Well?!" Rodney snapped. "Before I die of old age, please."

John breathed deeply out through his nose, making a frustrated huffing noise. "You're infuriating," he said. "You're arrogant and impatient and stubborn and, and hopelessly loyal. Your unflinchingly honest and stupidly brave. You have the bluest eyes I've ever seen and your mouth does this thing when you're amused where it ticks up just on one side and - Jesus, Rodney - you have the best ass bar none in the whole damn city."

Rodney opened and closed his mouth in an uncanny impersonation of a fish.

"Oh."

"Yeah," John smiled. "Oh."

"Does this mean that you....no, you couldn't..."

"Rodney." John rolled his eyes. "Take your damn clothes off and come and play in the water with me." He gestured towards Teyla and Ronon who were moving together softly in the water. "Doesn't it look like fun?"

It was so much more fun than it looked.

-*-

When they were back on Atlantis, now that his ears were opened to it, Rodney heard snatches of gossip about his team and himself everywhere he turned. One particular rumour involving a tied-up Rodney and the absurd demand from the people of MY7-359 that the Colonel spank him for trespassing in a sacred temple filtered his way as he and said Colonel stood in line at the commissary.

"Huh," John grinned. "I almost wish that one were true. Wanna try it out after lunch?"

Rodney had never eaten lunch so quickly.

Being on a 'gate team was just as good as it sounded,

 

**Author's Note:**

> the original prompt from summer (I'm awful, sorry!):
> 
> it's cold and wet here, so how about a hot sweaty hike back to the gate on a planet, when they come across a waterhole - they're early heading back, hot and tired so cue stripping down and going for a swim. Fun team shennanigans, or just the two of them... semi-nakedness, dripping water, maybe some wrestling, bodies basking in the su
> 
> Come and prompt me on [Tumblr](http://buffycuddlespigs.tumblr.com). I promise to try and not take as long as I have to fill this one!


End file.
